Welcome to Wonderland #4: Beach Battle Blowout
Welcome to Wonderland #4: Beach Battle Blowout is a part of the Welcome to Wonderland collection.
"Outrageous hijinks and nonstop hilarity--five stars!" --Lincoln Peirce, author of the Big Nate series
Take a vacation in a book with this hilarious illustrated middle-grade series by Chris Grabenstein, New York Times bestselling author of Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library and coauthor with James Patterson of the I Funny and House of Robots series!
Welcome to the Wonderland Motel--the funnest place on earth! Contestants, start your engines! The race to be the best on the beach is on, and this year the Wonderland is FINALLY going to win! The competition is fierce! But who needs ROLLER COASTERS and JET PACKS and PIRATES when you have not one but two SECRET WEAPONS? That's right--P.T. and Gloria, of course! Now they just need to SLEUTH OUT who the secret contest judges are and come up with enough brand-new attractions to WOW them and OUT-FUN the competition! Can they do it? Or will the Wonderland crash and burn? Anything's possible when you live in the FUNNEST PLACE ON EARTH! Extras include P.T. and Gloria's famous fact-or-fiction quiz and P.T.'s (Not Exactly) Patented Storytelling Tips!
"So funny I fell off my bed!" --Izzy B., age 10
An Excerpt fromWelcome to Wonderland #4: Beach Battle Blowout
“This weekend,” I told my audience, “I had a duel with a dolphin.”
“Whaaaa?” said everybody else.
Fact: when you live in a motel, you always have the best stories on Monday mornings.
“The Wonderland’s right on the beach,” I told my history class. “So I grew up speaking Dolphin.” I gave a quick demo. “Eeeek squeeeee, klik-klik.” “What’s that mean?” asked my bud Bruce
“ ‘I have to go to the bathroom.’ ” “Dolphins say that?”
“Yep. Then they do it. Right there in the Gulf.
That’s why the water’s so warm.” “Gross,” said Bruce.
We were between bells, just waiting for our teacher, Mr. Frumpkes, to march in and put us all to sleep with a barrage of boring facts. It was up to me to spin a story so scintillating it could fight off the Frumpkes Funk.
“On Saturday, I was riding the waves, just surfing along—”
“Surfing?” scoffed Adam Shapera, a big guy who always sits in the back of the room so it’s easier to flick people’s ears. “Who taught you how to do that?”
“Kevin the Monkey,” said my good friend Gloria Ortega. “Star of the smash hit Beach Party Surf Monkey.”
Unimpressed, Adam blew a lip fart.
I didn’t let Adam slow me down, because everybody else was hanging on my every word, scooching their seats closer.
“I was carving across a wave. Totally cranking. It was epic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, this dolphin pops up!”
“The dolphin blew his airhole at me. It sounded like one of Adam Shapera’s lip farts. It spooked me so much I wiped out.”
“What’d the dolphin want?” asked Bruce.
“To challenge me to a friendly competition.” I put on my best high-pitched dolphin voice. “ ‘I am Frederick, the Dolphin King. I challenge you to a duel!’ ”
“Whoa,” said Bruce. “Just like that Alexander Hamilton dude with that other dude.”
“Aaron Burr,” said Gloria.
“Exactly,” I said. “But we wouldn’t be dueling with pistols. It’d be unfair. Dolphins don’t have trigger fingers.”
“That’s so true,” said Adam, finally getting into the story with everybody else.
“We decided on a race,” I said. “From the Gulf waters behind the Wonderland all the way up St. Pete Beach to the Don CeSar Hotel. It’d be me and my board against King Frederick and his mighty flippers. Human against dolphin. Mano a mammalo. I, of course, agreed to King Frederick’s terms. But only because I knew I’d win.”
“How’d you know that?” Adam asked eagerly. “Simple,” I told him. “I was carrying a secret